Drunks

To drink alcohol is a right every adult over 21 and many kids under take seriously. Why shouldn't we? Advertisement agencies for the various alcohol companies spend millions in commercials, advertising, and free merchandise to get us to consume their own tasty beverage. It is ingrained in us whenever we watch tv or a movie, after a hard day of work the best way to unwind and relax is to sit down with the alcoholic beverage of your choice and you will feel so much better.
The problem is when a person drinks too many of those adult beverages and becomes drunk. No scratch that, the problem is not that they are drunk, the problem is that they are either drunk in public or their friends think that being drunk is a medical emergency. Being drunk is not a medical emergency, it can become one if the person has had so much that they now have alcohol poisoning.
This is usually characterized by the person passing out and you are unable to wake them up, their breathing has dramatically slowed down (around 8 breaths a minute), their skin is starting to turn blue or starting to become pale, they are having seizures, or they are becoming hypothermic. If any of these happen it's a great time to call the ambulance and you should call 911.(Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. Do not use this blog as a way to diagnose any medical issues or as a way of treatment. Always seek medical attention if you believe something is wrong with you or another. This is my ranting not a medical journal.)
If a person does not have the signs and symptoms of alcohol poisoning then usually they are just drunk. This is not a time to call the ambulance. If a person is talking, dancing, yelling, screaming, swinging their arms, or kicking, then usually they are fine and instead need a place to sleep.  Again not a time to call the ambulance. If a drunk is drinking still behind a trash can, or doing other things we never want to think about, this is not a time to call the ambulance. We get called to people who are walking along the street or are not bothering anybody and are passed out behind a trash can all the time. This is because the person who drove by called 911 because they "saw a drunk doing *insert various activities i.e. walking, talking, sitting, sleeping* ". These usually come down as welfare checks or intoxicated persons.
This is usually not that bad except that when these calls go out not only is an ambulance called but so are the police and the fire dept. In our area the fire dept is called out to every call and can start treating our patients before we get there which comes in handy. If the person is so drunk that the police do not cancel us then we usually have to transport the intoxicated person. This type of call can go in so many directions its not even funny. Let me explain, the drunk person (male, female, or sometimes not really sure) comes in a variety of different types. (that is for a whole new blog). Whatever your personality is when your sober it can either be changed with alcohol or it can be increased. If you are an ass when sober then chances are when you are drunk you are just a bigger asshole.
When it comes to being able to refuse transport by ambulance a person must be able to answer four simple questions we use to see how with it they are. These are: Whats the date, month, year, and the president. Sometimes we change it up to: how old are you? Where are you? Something that a person who is not on drugs, alcohol, or who is completely with it could answer. If you can not answer our simple questions then by law we cannot leave you wherever we found you. This is the LAW here, I don't make the rules just try and follow them so I get to keep my job. I like having a place to live, its not my fault that people like to sue medical workers for stupid shit and if we leave you when you cant answer our questions it is our butts on the line.
Usually when we pick up a drunk off the street it's one of our regulars (yes our regulars are all homeless except for probably two) and yes they usually smell horrible. There's nothing like the smell of unwashed human mixed with stale and current alcohol throw in a heaping dash of vomit and urine and a big ol' scoop of cigarettes and you have so many of our drunks. And then package all of this into a tiny little mobile box with a tiny ventilation system and a window that won't stay open because the latch is broken yet again. The smell alone makes me question my sanity as to why I do my job. But then to top it off you have to add in their personality. I'm not sure how to handle the fact that I get hit on by more homeless (and not homeless) drunk guys than I ever do sober. I've had men tell me how amazing my tits are ( how I'm not sure because our uniforms aren't that stylish) ask for my email so they can send me dirty jokes, and over all try to get handsy and tell me how beautiful I am. Usually this is just something you ignore.
I usually get cranky with the drunks when it comes to them being assholes and thinking that just because they are drunk and a male that they can say whatever they want and do whatever they want. I've been kicked, hit, almost bit, spit at and called some of the most amazing and flattering names by a drunk. I usually like to keep track of the more interesting names, I believe the one that wins was a very angry woman who had a few too many to drink. Top this all off with the fact that she felt unloved and believed she was suicidal. For some reason she believed the ambulance crew was the bad guys and that we were there to make her life hell. She yelled at us (mostly me) for being alive, for looking at her, touching her, sitting down, for talking to her for anything and everything. The breaking point was the phrase "Just fucking leave me alone you fucking fat buffalo! I'm not talking to you...continues to rant and rave.." Yeah being a buffalo made my night.
In the end we get called to drunks a lot. We could be considered a drunk taxi. Yeah I'm not sure why I do what I do some days, and considering I'm what you call a drunk magnet I would love to meet the first person who invented alcohol, shake their hand, and punch them right in the nuts. Asshole.